Questions
John Scott is a dear friend and fantastic colleague. He is also one of the most interesting people you could meet and we are delighted that he is part of the Chelsham network. Here John muses on one facet of mediation and, believe me, he is an excellent mediator. I think it also applies in the coaching room. What do you think?
It’s hard to imagine a world without questions, especially for those of us who work with clients or customers every day.
I ask questions because I am curious.
I ask questions when mediating because it helps those involved think and talk about the dispute, their dispute, which they hope to resolve.
Sometimes I ask questions which, if they’d been asked before the dispute exploded, there would have been no need for a mediation.
Asking questions is a very important part of who I am and what I do.
I’d never considered there was an art to asking useful questions until I attended a 4 day event run by BRIEF.
The process starts with a simple but very useful question: “What are your best hopes from this meeting?”
A useful question is one which encourages thought, reflection, potential solutions and then action.
It helps those involved to think about the future, rather than being stuck in the past with their fists literally or metaphorically in the air.
The right question will open up their ability to look into the future.
A useful question provides a steer towards a solution which is owned by those involved rather than an invitation to restate problems and blockages.
If a discussion starts with a statement of problems, it is likely to end there. Similarly, if a forthcoming discussion is described as a difficult conversation, it is very likely to be difficult.
A useful question presumes there is a basis for progress, even in the most challenging of circumstances. After all, those involved in a mediation are in a room, or at least rooms nearby, and are talking.
Without knowing it, I had already been using what BRIEF describe as the ‘miracle question’ – your problem is solved whilst sleeping and so your day starts free of the problem in some significant way. What would you notice that tells you life is better?
The miracle question encourages those involved to think about their preferred future. With further exploration, they will prime themselves for action at a level of detail that is realistic.
The BRIEF process encourages practitioners to ‘listen with questions’ which is a lovely phrase. It contains within it a reminder that solutions lie with those involved in the process and not with experts, regardless of their role or status. It is an open invitation, to those of us who rush towards solutions or make wild assumptions about our client’s objectives, to wind our necks in and focus on the client and their hopes.
These questions can be honed and polished over time hence asking questions becomes an art.
BRIEF generates results and commitment to a change owned by those involved.
It’s good to talk and it’s even better to ask useful questions.
You can contact John, there he is below, via Chelsham or directly here
